Hi, I'm Runzhuo Gan.
Also known as Aununo. Currently pursuing a B.Eng. in Software Engineering at the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China.
Childhood
I was born in an ordinary city in inland China, into an ordinary family. As a kid I was painfully shy — I cried for months straight when kindergarten started. My grandfather was my favorite person; he rode the bus with me home from school every day and always bought me toys. My father told me stories before bed, played chess with me, and took me to shoot hoops in the morning.
Middle school
I signed up for too many extracurriculars, most of them by choice. I loved drawing, though only from reference — I didn't feel creative back then. I saw someone playing guitar and thought it looked cool, so I learned. My best piece was Romance de Amor. My homeroom teacher was strict to a fault: no looking up, no smiling. I had stomach problems every day. Looking back, it was almost certainly somatic symptoms from stress.
But I'm grateful for a Chinese teacher whose class opened up books and perspectives I'd never encountered. That's when I first started thinking about what it means to be alive.
High school
Thanks to that strict teacher, I got into Zhengzhou Foreign Language School. My three years there were nothing like the typical Chinese high school experience — I was genuinely happy. My mother came to spend weekends with me. I made a close group of friends, met two homeroom teachers who shaped me deeply, ate surprisingly good cafeteria food, and got into a decent university.
But I was also insecure. Puberty hit hard — severe acne left scars on my face and on my confidence.
College
I arrived at university with my walls already up. The accumulated weight of it all broke through in my second semester. I became obsessed with finding a cure for my skin, spiraling into self-blame and anxiety over my appearance. I tried to control everything, and the smallest thing could set me off. Naturally, after bumping my head in the dorm one day, a full-blown anxiety disorder took hold.
Now
Things are good. My skin and the scars have improved with proper treatment. The anxiety has gradually faded, thanks to shifts in how I think and the quiet patience of my girlfriend. I'm starting to feel curiosity and warmth toward life again.
What's next
My time living alone in Shenzhen is coming to an end. Where will the next chapter — master's degree, work, life — begin? Stay present. Feel alive.